Thursday, March 10, 2016

Pirates and Cruiseships and Seniors, Oh My!



Last night, we received an advisement from the Captain that the ship would be conducting a security drill.  Here’s what the notice said:  

“As you are probably aware from the news, there has been sporadic pirate activity in the western Indian Ocean, Arabian Sea, and Somali basin.  While we do not anticipate any problems, the safety and security of our passengers and crew is our most important responsibility.  Accordingly, we are providing you with these guidelines….”

A security drill took place this morning at 10:30 at which time we were all to return to our staterooms and wait for further instructions.  In the case of a real problem, we would be instructed to leave the stateroom and remain in the corridor until further notice.  We were to stay away from the exterior walls, windows and balconies, while the drill was taking place.  We watched on the webcam how the ship navigated to the starboard side as the crew practiced evasive maneuvers.  The whole thing was over in about 30 minutes.  

At dinner tonight, our waiter, Andrii, asked about our day and, of course, we mentioned the security drill.  We then discussed what would really happen if pirates attacked the ship.  

In his opinion, they wouldn’t have a chance because all the seniors on this ship are equipped with deadly canes, walkers and electric vehicles and boarding the ship would be seen as a threat to the buffet line, and they would be beaten to death, run over by power chairs and walkers and possibly cannibalized if the pirates were so bold to attempt a takeover at feeding time (which really lasts all day).  

(You should see how crazed people are when they get up for seconds and thirds and don’t cover their seat with barbed wire in order to prevent someone from taking their spot.  It could get bloody.)  

Note to Pirates:  If you’re going to attack this ship, you really should do it around 3 a.m. because everyone is asleep and the buffet is closed.    

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